Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
So
I sit here with a head and heart full of questions---as some of you know 2012
was a year of awakening for me. I questioned choices from my past—I had so many dreams—and did not realize them— because I did not trust that the desires in my heart were
from God—I was so scared of making the wrong choice—I just let things slip
away. Some days I still struggle to forgive myself of past indecision and I am determined
to make stronger choices when I see an opportunity.
When
I was given the opportunity to go to Germany/England last fall—I crazily jumped
at the chance and got to meet some very special people. It was nice to see a
little of Germany and a little more of England—but it was truly about the
people. For me, a lifelong dream fulfilled---I’m still smiling.
As
the trip unfolded I spoke to our hosts about how I would love to live and
work in the UK for a time. Because my Mother was born in Scotland, I was encouraged to apply for permission based on her ancestry.
My first application was lovingly funded by
two of my oldest and dearest friends—who believe in me—and want God’s best for
me. The first application was denied unfortunately—wrong application. As I stood there looking at the denied application, I felt my plans and dreams falling all around me.
I
was diagnosed with very low hemoglobin two days late. It is quite possibly just a severe iron deficiency. I have been given two blood transfusions and a few
tests to rule out anything more sinister. I am being monitored closely and was
pleased my hemoglobin was up by several points in one week.
My
cousin Carol kindly pointed out that maybe this is why I am being
delayed. Not denied by God, not forgotten by God….just delayed. I was encouraged—and sold
my van to pay down a few bills—and apply again.
There
are two more tests they want to do to be certain before I can have a clean bill
of health. Really I am mostly concerned about how these tests, waiting for
them and the results, might mess up my plans and dreams. I also found out
this morning that the payment and probably my application have been processed.
My anxiety increases.
So
tonight I sit waiting and I think--is it possible that when I finally have the
courage to follow my dream—that I won’t be able to go?
I was distracting myself on the computer an hour ago and up pops a friend to chat and ask,
why am I still up at this hour? I could
not tell you the countless times God has brought us to each other’s hearts and
minds—compelling us to call or write each
other—just to find out the other person is in need of prayer and encouragement.
God did just that for me through this friend—Last week and again tonight.
I am
no closer to knowing what the test results will be—or whether I will be granted
by the UK…and God, permission to go and follow my dream---but I know who holds my
heart—and who holds the future—whether it is in North America or the UK. I know I am loved and cherished by God—and that is
enough to sleep on tonight.
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