"When I write stories I am like someone who is in her own country, walking along streets that she has known since she was a child, between walls and trees that are hers." --Natalia Ginsburg

Saturday 26 January 2013

Winter Schminter!


Sending this out with the hope that winter will pass quickly and we can all be warm again....lol....

Today the weather is sunny and mild. The snow is melting into the lawn and disappearing quite nicely--- (excuse me while I pause to wave goodbye). Last week we had a few mild days that definitely held a promise of spring. I opened the windows and cleaned a few more corners and relished the milder weather—but didn’t get too excited....winter always teases us with a little thaw, and then gives us another swift kick up our “sit-upon”. We definitely felt it this week, with freezing rain and blowing snow making life miserable.
I have always had mixed feelings about winter. I love the heat and dancing flames from the woodstove. There is a coziness to the shorter days and longer lamp lit evenings spent reading, or watching the snow come down. I love making soups and homemade bread to warm and feed the little bellies I care for. Playing board games with the school kids and cuddling in blankets and watching movies with the toddlers.
I stood at my open door one night last week and watched in wonder as the snow came down like sugar, it was so quiet I could hear it landing---and was tempted to reach down and taste it. I took a deep breath letting my lungs fill with cold air purified by the snow---so delicious you can’t possibly take a big enough whiff. Another day I was delighted for the kids as it fell in huge flakes that lay heavy on the ground just begging to be made into a snowman or fort.
I have good memories of snow and winter as a child. Making snow angels with my sister Donna as big fat flakes fell on our faces, and laughing as they fell into our open mouths. Other times I remember lying still on the ground watching the stars in that huge velvet sky, the warm smells and comforting sounds coming from the open door of the barn as Dad and the boys finished the evening chores. As children my siblings and I would go sliding with half a dozen neighbors and stay out until our feet and fingers ached from the cold. Mom would sometimes warm us by letting us wrap our arms under her cardigan and around her waist. I remember windows etched with fern and feathers compliments of Jack Frost.
However—you know the saying there is a thin line between love and hate?  Most of the time the line is as thin as the depth of my back door--2 inches. The things I truly enjoy about winter can be enjoyed from the inside of the threshold---including those icy cleansing breaths.
I sometimes wish I was of a species that hibernates—sometimes I wish I could revert to childhood. As I look out the window to grin and thumb my nose at winter and the melting snow, I realize the child in me is winning. Next year I vow to make a snowman. Snow-angels? Not with these hips.

Friday 4 January 2013

Grateful


I am very grateful for 2012 and the gifts it brought. My new attitude of ‘Why not?’ has served me well. It took me on a trip through my past with  much gratitude for God's faithfulness in my life. He can take ALL of my life choices--even those I may regret, and redeem them.

 In the fall I took a trip I had dreamed of my whole life--to England/ Europe. Someone said it was a trip of a lifetime---ummm, no. It is the first of many trips--God willing. 

I look forward to the challenges—the struggles, the triumphs and joy 2013 may bring. If I choose DAILY to let God lead my life, He will never lead me where He will not take care of me. 
Lord give me wisdom to see your guidance, and strength and courage—always courage-- to do your will. 
Lead me on—I am ready for a new adventure!



Why Not?


So.....it was a remark my cousin made about mindful discipline that got me thinking. We were talking about children at the time, but I began to think how that could apply to my life. So I thought about different words, (mindful, deliberate, purposeful), and decided I liked the sound of deliberate living—hence the name of my Blog—A Deliberate Life.


Years ago I filled a notebook with recipes and ideas for décor and music for the café of my dreams. When I was offered the opportunity to fulfill this dream, I let fear guide me and I turned the offer down.


Years ago I had a friend make me a pair of red pants with black paint splattered all over them. I bitterly regret that decision.


Twenty some years ago I left a letter unanswered---several months later when I wanted to answer the letter, I had lost the address and had no way of finding it anywhere else.


I have loved to write since I was very young. I never took the time to write or develop my writing--I might have had a Pulitzer Prize by now—(laughing).


Quite often people will ask me why? when I tell them the things I want to do---- and I immediately think—why not? There have been too many times I have listened to the whys-- and have doubted what was in my heart-- instead of having the courage to follow the why nots. When I have made a deliberate choice to do what is in my heart, I have often been blessed. (I will concede that perhaps I should have consulted some of these why people before I had the red pants made....sigh).


So I deliberately looked at my regretful choices—I am changing what I can and accepting what I can't.


Having my own cafe? I still enjoy going back to the café I worked in when I was nineteen. The one where the dream started. I will always be grateful to the owners Judith and Peter for letting me work there and for believing in me enough to leave the café in my hands on Saturdays. It could have been wonderful--but I have new dreams now.

The unanswered letter? Fast forward to 2012 and the joy of Google. I was able to find my friend on Facebook. I had the information for eight months before I asked myself why not? I wrote and I was delighted to hear back--- and I am enjoying a renewed friendship.


Around the same time I wondered if I should start the Blog I had been thinking about for over a year----‘Why Not?’--- Things that have been in my heart for years I have finally shared—Mom teaching me to make bread, (Art and Intuition of Bread making’), Dad learning to make bread, (More Bread Please), and my favorite memory from childhood, (Joy—My Cup Runneth Over).


I LOVE this deliberate life. I feel like I am living with my eyes wide open and finally having the courage to listen to what is in my heart. I am determined to live the rest of my life deliberately, looking for---and living out the desires God puts in my heart for as long as He gives me breath.

The red pants? All I can say is, Please God---let there be no pictures floating around…