The letter A

Today’s Blog is brought to you by the letter A……

awk·ward

A: Lacking dexterity or skill. B: Showing the result of a lack of expertness.

Well….reading last night’s blog was painful this morning, and one word came to mind. Awkward.

Reading it was awkward. I love to play with words…..and punctuation. It is a balancing act between playing with it enough and knowing when it is too much. I am clearly not there yet. So to combat my insecurities and “lack of expertness” with words, I have decided on a mentor. He is a new friend and gave me some helpful advice on blogging. He has also written some books on academic writing. He is a very clever man…and a good choice. I hope he feels the same way when I break the news to him..... (Hallo Bill!).

I think it is also awkward because my decision to be courageous in all things is not resting well on me. I am still a little shaky underneath. I will persevere.

"Courage is the mastery of fear-not absence of fear"-Mark Twain

So today, to exercise my courage, I finally got around to throwing out that thing in the fridge as it ran desperately behind every bottle of condiments to dodge capture. When I cornered it, I shouldn't have been surprised to find out it was half a round of old Brie, because where you find olives, you often find cheese. Unfortunately the bottle of olives this quivering mass of misery chose to hide behind was almost empty and provided no protection whatsoever. I am proud of myself that I persevered in the face of this smelly, moldy adversary…even if some of you might think the whole thing is, well…..cheesy.

The letter C

The letter C

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter C……..

cour·age:

Mental or moral strength to persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.

Courage is a big word. I didn't need courage to de-clutter my home. Perhaps if I was cleaning the fridge, I may need courage to throw out that moldy oozing lump of some long forgotten vegetable—or is it possibly cheese?

Cleaning the closet of my heart is different. It takes determination AND courage.
Looking back on my life and the opportunities I was given, some I had the courage and wisdom to take, but for some I did not trust my instincts enough--courage waned and I chose the perception of safety to taking a risk. I reasoned away  precious opportunities. I feared that if I reached out to grasp my dream it would disintegrate and disappear into wisps of surreality. My dream didn't vanish. Just the opportunity. My dream hangs there, between the heart clutter of fear and regret.

Maya Angelou, American author and poet, says, " History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be un-lived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.

I cannot change the past, I can only change the way I do things now..........and the only way forward is with courage. That acrid smell? That's fear--I’m tossing it. The moldy smell? That's regret--I have examined it closely and painfully. It's getting the boot---it has done all it can for me.

My dream? I've taken it off the hanger and washed it in hope. It may need to be altered, but it is mine. I am moving forward. Life is not without fear and difficulties—or specifically the difficulty of regret. I will choose to stand and be courageous even if I am a quivering mess of nerves.

I am living deliberately now--with my eyes and ears wide open and when my opportunity knocks, I will open the door wide and let the fresh hope that lives in my heart shine and I will bid life welcome.

The letter D

This blog is brought to you 

de·lib·er·ate

Carefully weighed or considered

When wanting to write this Blog, I wanted to come up with a unique name that would sum up where I am in life. Last year I thought I might have to move, so for several months I toiled away at ridding my home of clutter and simplifying my life. Now I have no plans to move, but the more I simplify—the more I love it. My home is easier to take care of. For me less physical clutter has equaled less mind clutter.  It has become a little more serene—well perhaps when the darling toddlers go home at night.

I asked myself over and over why did I save this, will I ever use it---how many citrus juicers and colanders does a person really need?  From the depths of my closet I have pulled things that beg the question—what was I thinking when I bought this—or what were they thinking when they bought this for me? That was the easy part. Some things were a little tougher.

My mom died seven years ago. Her sewing machine sits in my closet, as well as her scrapbooking tools and materials. For years I wanted to learn how to sew and do scrapbooking. After moving this stuff three different times, I realized, if I had the time to learn to sew or scrapbook, I would really rather be writing.

 Keeping my Mother’s sewing machine around was taking up space and a constant reminder  of things left undone. I have made a deliberate decision to find a good and hopefully significant place for it to go. I have made a deliberate decision to find a place,(this blog),and time to write. By letting go of my list of things undone, I  have more time to write.

It takes determination to de-clutter a house, but it takes determination and courage to de-clutter a life. That will be the letter C. Thanks for stopping by. today by the letter D....

de·lib·er·ate

Carefully weighed or considered

When wanting to write this Blog, I wanted to come up with a unique name that would sum up where I am in life. Last year I thought I might have to move, so for several months I toiled away at ridding my home of clutter and simplifying my life. Now I have no plans to move, but the more I simplify, the more I love it. My home is easier to take care of. For me less physical clutter has equaled less mind clutter. It has become a little more serene, well, perhaps AFTER the darling toddlers go home at night.

I asked myself over and over why did I save this, will I ever use it? How many citrus juicers and colanders does a person really need? From the depths of my closet I have pulled things that beg the question—you thought you would look like who in this? What WERE they thinking when they bought this for me? That was the easy part. Some things were a little tougher.

My mom died seven years ago. Her sewing machine sits in my closet, as well as her scrapbooking tools and materials. For years I wanted to learn how to sew and do scrapbooking. After moving this stuff three different times, I realized, if I could find the time to learn to sew or scrapbook, I would REALLY rather be writing. Keeping my Mother’s sewing machine around was taking up space and a constant reminder of things left undone. I have made a decision to find a good and hopefully significant place for these things to go. I have made a decision to find a place--this blog--to write. By letting go of my list of things undone, I have given myself permission to pursue more time to write.

It takes determination to de-clutter a house, but it takes more than that to de-clutter a life.

Tomorrow’s blog will be brought to you by the letter C……..

Ode to Coffee

Steaming....

....Hot dark and strong, my morning strength,
my wake up song, drip, drip, drip into my cup
don't be stingy--fill it up, black and feisty
or sweet with cream, to greet the day
to chase the dream--Espresso
Sumatra, Arabian too

keep on pouring--- I'll be nice to you
-D Ness

Writing......

"When I write stories I am like someone who is in her own country, walking along streets that she has known since she was a child, between walls and trees that are hers."--Natalia Ginsburg

The above quote never fails to move me. It is used to head a chapter in Chicken Soup for the Writer's Soul. A friend gave me a copy years ago and it is dog eared now and has certainly been food for this soul.I have yearned to share stories of my own walls and trees--both in reality and fiction.
A new friend and fellow writer asked me the other day what kind of writing will be in my blog. I told him it will be a mixture. I have written poems, children's stories and memoirs. I have ideas of things I would like to write about on countless scraps of paper. I don't know what my path will look like but I am anxious to start. My middle name is Annie and I have chosen to go by Annie on this blog to represent my desire to be all that God created me to be--to be an open and transparent woman learning to write well and share my heart and whimsy with anyone open to sharing the journey with me.

Thanks for dropping in--Annie