"When I write stories I am like someone who is in her own country, walking along streets that she has known since she was a child, between walls and trees that are hers." --Natalia Ginsburg

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Why Not?

Why Not?

So.....it was a remark my cousin made about mindful discipline that got me thinking. We were talking about children at the time, but I began to think how that could apply to my life. So I thought about different words, (mindful, deliberate, purposeful), and decided I liked the sound of deliberate living—hence the name of my Blog—A Deliberate Life.

Years ago I filled a notebook with recipes and ideas for décor and music for the café of my dreams. When I was offered the opportunity to fulfill this dream, I let fear guide me and I turned the offer down.

Years ago I had a friend make me a pair of red pants with black paint splattered all over them. I bitterly regret that decision.

Twenty some years ago I left a letter unanswered---several months later when I wanted to answer the letter, I had lost the address and had no way of finding it anywhere else.

I have loved to write since I was very young. I never took the time to write or develop my writing--I might have had a Pulitzer Prize by now—(laughing).

When I talk about the things I want to do, quite often people will ask me why? ---- and I immediately think—why not? There have been too many times I have listened to the whys-- and have doubted what was in my heart-- instead of having the courage to follow the why nots. When I have made a deliberate choice to do what is in my heart, I have often been blessed. (I will concede that perhaps I should have consulted some of these why people before I had the red pants made....sigh).

So I deliberately looked at my regretful choices—I am changing what I can and accepting what I can't.

Having my own cafe? I still enjoy going back to the café I worked in when I was nineteen. The one where the dream started. I will always be grateful to the owners Judith and Peter for letting me work there and for believing in me enough to leave the café in my hands on Saturdays. It was a joy to cook and serve there.

The unanswered letter? Fast forward to 2012 and the joy of Google. I was able to find my friend on Facebook. I had the information for eight months before I asked myself why not? I wrote and I was delighted to hear back and I am enjoying a renewed friendship.

Around the same time I wondered if I should start the Blog I had been thinking about for over a year----‘Why Not?’--- Things that have been in my heart for years I have finally shared—Mom teaching me to make bread, (Art and Intuition of Bread making’), Dad learning to make bread, (More Bread Please), and my favorite memory from childhood, (Overwhelming Joy).

I LOVE this deliberate life. I feel like I am living with my eyes wide open and finally having the courage to listen to what is in my heart. I am determined to live the rest of my life deliberately, looking for---and living out the desires God puts in my heart for as long as He gives me breath.
The red pants? All I can say is, Please God---let there be no pictures floating around…

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