"When I write stories I am like someone who is in her own country, walking along streets that she has known since she was a child, between walls and trees that are hers." --Natalia Ginsburg

Sunday, 8 July 2012

Arrrgh!...Spiders and Life's other... not so little Anxieties

1. to utter a loud, prolonged, mournful cry
2. to utter a similar cry in distress, pain, fear, etc.; wail.

Yes it IS a word—it is MY word…it is one of the first words in the ‘Dictionary of Dianne’. It is one of those multi-purpose words. It can be used to express many things, from 1.) the sighting of a large hairy spider—2.) my reaction upon hearing my name—Didi, Didi, Didi,—for the fifty-millionth time in one day—3.) or the complete horror of running out of coffee….and on and on.
There are also various spellings of this word, the length of the spelling depending on the level of frustration, fright or angst. For instance— spotting a spider on the floor, (short—few letters), to the sighting of a large hairy spider on one’s person, (medium---more letters), to my sister Donna sighting a large hairy spider anywhere in her line of vision, in which case it would be a very long spelling of the word in CAPITALS and the strangled scream accompanying it would pierce the sound barrier.
.....I have always protected her from them. It was almost a full time job from the time we were children until she got married. Now her husband Stephen is her defender. I will always stand ready, as second in demand to shield her person and sanity against these beasts of eight legs and almost as many eyes—(seriously, the eight legs could come in handy, but who needs more than two eyes, unless you are up to no good. Sorry, I digress)……
Today I am using the word long and loud to articulate—inarticulately—my frustration! I am moving WHO knows where in two months to work as a Nanny for WHO knows who—and I don’t know HOW or WHERE to start sorting and packing, what to take with me, what to sell, what to give away or what to throw out.
I completely emptied my bedroom closet weeks ago thinking it would spur me into action—not so. It sits in a big messy pile on the floor, taunting me when I go to bed at night and when I get up in the morning. I hate chaos and I especially hate sleeping in chaos—(it doesn’t matter that I sleep with my eyes closed—I know it is there, I can feel it, and last night I am almost certain I heard it breathing, taking on a life of it’s own).
Thankfully I did sort through the bulk of it last Fall—refer to the Blog, ‘The Letter D’—that started it all,---the Blog and the massive cleaning out. I got rid of things I felt I would never use, now I need to sort through things that I would like to keep, but due to practicalities I cannot take with me---and really they are just things. I am looking forward to a grand adventure, finishing my schoolwork and exploring new horizons.
The last two weeks, I have been wondering WHERE to start packing or WHAT…so what are life’s essentials? I am not packing coffee. Wherever I go? If there is no coffee—I ain’t going. And yes---ain’t is a word in MY dictionary too—it is the inarticulate word for the phrase—‘am not’—dripping with the attitude of will not and cannot--make me go where there is no coffee.
So no need to pack coffee, but I will take a few of my favorite coffee mugs, my perfume, my Bible, books, music, pictures, a few favorite things that portray my uniqueness, my make-up, and……oh yes---my clothes---(they are not necessarily listed in order of importance). I can’t pack most of this stuff yet, because I will be using it. Last night I was wandering through the living room wondering where to start and my eyes landed on my bookshelf---I could start here. Let’s see--top shelves—school books. There is my beginning. Pack my school books and carefully label, because I am hoping I will need those right away in the Fall. Seems simple right? Now I have my beginning and once I have the first box packed it will keep me moving until I…well…MOVE.
As for the other burning questions of—WHO knows where I am going, and, WHO knows who I will work for? I know WHO knows and that is all that matters. God knows. As I pack and get ready for life’s new adventure, I am trusting Him to lead. I have seen the verse below posted on Facebook at least twice in the last few weeks. Although it was written specifically for the children of Israel and their situation at the time…thousands of years later I can take the same verse and apply it to my life and situation today. Because God loves me too.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So….. now that I have sorted it out in my head and heart, and I feel a little better, I need to wade through this mountain of empty boxes and belongings and get ‘er done….
(she says as she walks away muttering under her breath very softly….arrrgghhh….).

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